Articles

Key takeaways

• Intimate partner violence is about power and control.
• It is never your fault and support is available.
• Abuse during pregnancy affects both you and your baby.
• You can create a safety plan to help keep you safe.

What is intimate partner violence?

Intimate partner violence (IPV), also known as domestic abuse, is about one person having power and control over another. It involves using one or more of the following:

• physical abuse
• sexual abuse
• emotional abuse
• psychological abuse or threats

This is done to control another person's thoughts, emotions, and behaviour.

Abuse can happen gradually, making you lose confidence over time. It can make you feel afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing. You might eventually feel like you do not have the right to make your own decisions.

At least 1 in 4 women experience domestic abuse. Unfortunately, pregnancy is a time when abuse can often start or get worse. Remember that it is never your fault if this is happening to you.

Intimate partner violence can take many forms:

Forms of intimate partner violence

• Coercive control – This is when someone uses a pattern of behaviour over time to control another person. This is a criminal offence.
• Emotional or psychological abuse – This can include putting you down, blaming you for the abuse, or making you feel guilty. It might involve demanding constant attention or threatening to harm you or others.
• Economic abuse – An abuser might control your money, take your wages, or stop you from working. They might get you into debt or make you ask for money.
• Sexual abuse – This includes rape and sexual assault, which is about power and taking away your sexual choices. This might involve forcing unwanted sexual acts or refusing safe sex.
• Physical abuse – This is not only hitting. It can also involve holding you down, using weapons, or throwing objects. Other forms include pinching and shoving you while claiming it is a joke.

How does intimate partner violence affect pregnancy?

Abuse during pregnancy can be harmful for both you and your baby. It can cause emotional and mental health problems, like stress and anxiety. Women who have been abused are also more likely to be depressed. These emotional and mental health problems may also continue after pregnancy.

Risks to you and your baby

The stress and potential physical harm from abuse can increase the risk of pregnancy complications. This includes premature birth (your baby being born too early) or your baby having a low birth weight. Sadly, in some cases, it can also lead to miscarriage or physical injury to the baby.

The stress of the situation can also affect a baby's development. This can sometimes lead to challenges later on, such as behavioural or emotional difficulties as they grow up.

Abuse can make it harder to have a safe place to bond with your baby. It can force you to protect your baby from the abuser's actions.

Women in these situations try very hard to keep themselves and their babies safe.

Impact on antenatal care

Abuse can also stop some women from going to their antenatal appointments. They may feel anxious about being examined, or worry about having to explain injuries to their midwife or doctor.

Finding support and knowing your rights

Nobody has to put up with intimate partner violence or domestic abuse. It puts your health and that of your baby at risk. This type of abuse is not your fault, and it is never okay.

It can be scary to think about leaving or telling anyone. It is very important to tell someone you trust and ask for help.

Remember that you have the right to be safe. There are many ways you can get help:

Helplines and support services

• Talk to your midwife, GP, or health visitor. They can keep what you say confidential and know about local services and support.
• If you are in immediate danger, call 999straight away.
• Women can call the Freephone 24-hour National Domestic Abuse Helpline on 0808 2000 247, run by Refuge. They offer confidential advice and support. They can discuss options for your money, housing, and safety. They can also advise on your legal rights.
• Men can call the Men's Advice Line on 0808 801 0327. The line is open Monday to Friday, generally between 9am and 8pm.
• If you identify as LGBT, you can call Galop on 0800 999 5428. They offer emotional and practical support.
• For support around forced marriage and honour crimes, call Karma Nirvana on 0800 5999 247 (Monday to Friday, 9am to 5pm). Alternatively, you can call the GOV.UKForced Marriage Unit on 020 7008 0151.
• The NSPCC can give you more information about protecting your children. Contact them on 0808 800 5000.
• Women's Aid can help you find local services in your area. They also have information on housing, money, and legal rights in The Survivors Handbook.
• If you are worried that you are abusive, you can contact the Respect helpline on 0808 802 4040.

If you are at risk of domestic abuse, the local authority must offer you somewhere safe to live. The charity Shelter has information about housing related to domestic abuse across the UK.

Creating a safety plan

Creating a safety plan can help you protect yourself, your unborn baby and any other children if you have them. If you decide to leave your abuser, this can be a particularly dangerous time. It is very important to get specialist support. Your abuser may try to regain control and increase their threats. Refuge offers in-depth advice on planning to leave.

Making up an emergency bag

Try to pack an emergency bag in one day when your partner is out. Give the bag to a trusted friend or neighbour. Make sure you know when and how you can get it back.

Your emergency bag could include:

• Cash
• Keys
• Some clothes, including baby and/or children's clothes and spare school uniforms if needed
• Toys
• Medication
• Phone charger
• Phone numbers in case you cannot use your phone
• Important documents, such as passports and birth certificates
• Driving licence and tenancy agreements if you have this

Planning an escape route

1. Think about where you will go to call the police or alert a neighbour.
2. If you have children, plan a place to meet with them if you get separated.
3. If you are confronted by your abuser, call 999.
4. Avoid rooms like the kitchen or garage, which have objects that could be used to hurt you.
5. If conflict is increasing, move to lower-risk parts of your home. These areas should have an escape route or access to a phone.
6. If you have any children, teach them how to call 999 in an emergency.
7. If you cannot get out of the house, barricade or lock yourself into a room. From there, you can call the police and people you trust.

Other ways of staying safe if you leave

Think about how your partner might be able to find out where you are. If you think your abuser might access your phone or messages, use a friend's phone. You could also buy a cheap pay-as-you-go phone.

Delete any searches related to looking for support from your internet history. Turn off any location settings on your phone. Women's Aid has more information about covering your tracks online.

It is a good idea to let the police know if you are taking your children away. This can help avoid possible abduction claims. Speak to any other caregivers and let them know what is happening.

If your children are at school, nursery, or childcare, make sure staff know who should pick them up. Change any codewords or security details they use for your children.

Money and financial support

If possible, start putting some money aside without alerting your partner. This is for if you need to leave quickly.

Think about how you can have your own money and be independent in the future. You may be able to access benefits to cover your costs.

Websites like turn2us.org.uk or entitledto.co.uk have benefit calculators. These can help you work out what you could claim if you were to leave.

Keeping a record

Make notes of abusive incidents. Make notes of times, dates, and names. Also include details of how it made you feel. Tell your GP or another trusted health worker. This helps them keep a record of the abuse.

Save any abusive messages. These can be used as evidence. Make sure they are not stored anywhere your partner might find them.

Arranging a secret code

Is there a friend, neighbour, or family member you trust? You could arrange a secret code with someone who lives close by. This could be ringing and hanging up, or sending a blank text. This code would let them know you need help.